Going Too Long

I thought this was an appropriate title for my blog entry today. I have gone almost a month without writing on here. Why? A week after my last entry, my oldest son, Matthew, suffered from a pretty serious concussion. Scariest moment in my life. He was unresponsive for at least 30 seconds. I had to call 911. I felt so helpless. Then a week after our visit to the ER for Matthew, I had a visit. I had a severe allergic reaction to a food, had hives all over, and could barely talk. The inside of my mouth and throat were getting filled with hives too. I didn’t realize how serious it all was until after the fact.

In those two recent moments, time stood still. The world stopped when I could not get any response from my five year old. You realize again, how fragile and precious life is. I say “again” because I had those moments when I found out that Emily and Michael died inside of me. How fragile life is. So, this is where I have been for the past few weeks.

I said, “Going Too Long” as well because I went almost 6-8 weeks without a visit to my counselor. I needed to talk sooner. Yes, I had a very eventful week or so which played into my feelings of needing support. But, I realized that going almost two months is not enough for me. I need to talk to my counselor once every four weeks. Once a month.

The reason for me writing this on here is sometimes one can struggle with, “How much support do I need?” With seeing a counselor, I believe you will know. I think the moment I walked in her door last month, I right away said, “It’s been too long. Let’s set up an appointment right now for four weeks.”

Trust yourself with what you need. As much as I would like to think, “I am okay, I don’t know if I need to see my counselor that often now,” I am not there yet. So, also I would add to that, “Be honest with yourself.” If in the beginning, or even at different points in your grieving you think that you need to see someone every 1-2 weeks, if you can do it financially or time-wise, do it. It is a commitment to get support and see a counselor. But I believe, it is so worth it. It is the one time where you can talk one-on-one, with no interruptions as the two of you embark on a journey into figuring out “where do I go from here?”

P.S. I will try not to go too long again without writing. I did miss it.