I think that most of us when we experience the loss of a loved one, we find certain things to be of comfort. Whether it was an item of theirs, something that was their favorite, “That was their favorite meal,” or something that reminds us of them. It doesn’t have to necessarily be theirs. I am not doing a very good job explaining myself here for the purpose of why I am writing this entry. Maybe as I continue on, it will make more sense. So let me start again…
After Emily died, I would visit her daily at the cemetery. Then weekly. It was a very cold February that year in 2013. I would go up there, and just pray to her. And cry. And ask God why this all happened. I cannot remember now what I was saying, but I remember crying and it was like something inside of me said to look up. And I did. And in the cold of this winter with nothing much growing, if anything at all, a “wishie” went by me at eye level. And just caught my eye. It was full and huge. And I immediately felt a sense of comfort. I have since equated them with Emily. And now Michael too. And I see them year-round. And a lot of the time, it is just when I need it. I remember the two weeks leading up to Emily’s due date, July 27, 2013, I saw these dandelion angel dustings flying around everywhere. It was like a snow flurry in the middle of July, there was so much of them. I was so sad leading up to her due date, but these “wishies” helped me. It was like Emily saying, “I’m okay. And I am going to send these all to you to make you feel better.”
One day I asked my dear friend, Sister Jeanne Marie, if this was crazy. To think these things. That Emily (and now Michael), could actually send me these as “signs”. She said, “I don’t know. Maybe. There is a good possibility.” She said, “The important thing is, what it does for you and your comfort and healing. And that is all that really matters.” I smiled and said, “Ok. Yeah, that makes sense.” And since then, I have talked with others about their “signs”.
Some say it is seeing a rainbow after a rain shower. Others, finding a penny. My one friend said that when she finds a penny, she thinks of her one grandparent in Heaven. Others, it is a fluttering butterfly. I remember my one friend whose son died shortly after birth. And she said this to me. She also said, “It does not have to be an actual butterfly. It could even be a picture. Or decoration of some sort.” She sees them when she is thinking of her son. And it brings her comfort.
We planted two dogwoods in our backyard last year in memory of our Emily and Michael. A pretty, pink one for Emily, and a pure, white one for Michael. This was the first year that they were to bloom on our property – this year. They had already started to bloom when they got planted in our yard last year. Anyhow, I was out-of-town over Mother’s Day weekend this year. Upon my return home on Mother’s Day, my husband informed me that the dogwoods just started to bloom that day – Mother’s Day. I took it as a sign from them. To show their love to me on such a special day.
We can have many different signs that remind us of our loved ones, more specifically, our babies. And that is wonderful. The important thing is, as my dear friend said, is that it brings you comfort. And that is all that really matters.
P.S. I was just leaving the cemetery the other day, and I said to Emily and Michael, ” I just wish I could give you a hug.” And as I was walking away saying this, I saw a big, full “wishie” laying on the ground a few feet away from them. Not the plant growing out the ground. A “wishie”. I took it as them giving me a hug. It made me smile, and I said, “Okay.” And kind of chuckled to myself.