There are days, rather months, where I have struggled. With God. And what He wants me to learn through the experience of losing Emily. Sometimes I say, I don’t want to learn anything. I just want her back. I am done feeling this way. But I have learned that even people with faith, still struggle, even though you may never know that this is the case. I have learned that this, losing a baby and child, is one of the worst pains you could ever feel. And continue to feel. Forever. It never goes away. One bereaved mother said, your heart isn’t broken, it is shattered into a million pieces. I pondered on this and thought, “So true. And each piece is a different feeling or thought. Some you never knew you had. Others yet to be discovered.” She also said that part of your heart is forever gone because your loved baby took it with them. Maybe that explains this feeling that something is missing.
My purpose in writing this blog is to bring hope to others. That they are not alone in their sadness. Their forever heartache. Their feelings and thoughts that they have. When Emily died, I just wanted to hear other’s stories that had gone through this. That I wasn’t alone. I still search and find comfort in hearing other’s stories. And I probably always will.
Love and prayers from Emily’s mommy,